I’m aching for you to hate me,
Marking seconds in my mind,
Cutting minutes on my arm,
Pulling hours out of my hair,
Holding my breath by days,
Waiting for you to walk away.
Your love, it consumed my light.
Your obsession, it ripped through me,
Putting out the fires in my soul,
Fires that had once burned bright with dreams.
You’ve extinguished me.
My soul lives in the dark.
I’ve surrendered to the company of shadows
And I feast on silhouettes;
Fading memories of what I once thought we’d be.
I keep drinking your poison,
A brew of the words, whispers and threats
You use to keep me yours.
It takes me to the brink of death,
And death nestles me within its grieving grace.
In its arms I can see as clearly as I did
Before your love spun its webs over my eyes.
I see your reflection in lakes of melted mirrors;
And you’re hideous,
Contorted by the rage of your possessiveness
And the worship of a hedonism limited solely to yourself.
Your truth is ugly,
Your lies macabre,
And your love it putrid.
I stretch out my fingers
To try and touch the lakes that hold your essence,
To scar my palms,
As a reminder lest I forget who you truly are.
But death drops me
And I slither back to valleys of shadows.
Waiting to drink your poison one more time,
To see your face as it is,
And not the one you painted on years ago.
I can’t seem to hold onto memories from my time in death’s embrace,
My mind muddled by your control,
My heart slowing down,
Frosting over with the hailstorms of your disappointments,
And my vision fades,
Refusing to adjust to the dark,
Craving your poison to regain its power.
I’m too terrified, too fatigued to attempt escape.
The fear of your wrath, it shields me from all that’s around me,
Keeping me alone, apprehensive and abused.
So I ache for you to hate me.
To unlatch from me and set me free,
Before you pour enough of your poison down my throat,
Killing me decisively,
Trapping my soul alongside your reflection in the lakes of mirrors,
Sentencing me to an eternity of soaking in the dreadfulness of your heinous truth.