Heartbreak

One day you gaze helplessly into nothing as your world violently explodes into fragments that rest by your feet.

It doesn't matter that you had sensed the strings that kept everything together slowly unravel.

This moment is still a massive shock. Complete irreversible fatal unforeseen Armageddon.

Everything that was once ordinary, everything that was once secure, everything that was once wholesome….is now nothing but destroyed. 

The wind blows from all around, whipping parts of you away. You want to reach out, to grasp onto what you can of the belief that things will be okay but you are paralyzed by the realization that life as you know it will never be the same again.

The silence screams into your ear and your senses are attacked by reminiscent memories. A tear glides down the fearful expression on your face.

 "What am I going to do now?"

Ice invades your veins. You scream. People walk by like nothing is wrong. No one can hear your heart breaking.

You sob. Pain drills through the numbness and announces its presence forcefully. It took a second, one insignificant second to exterminate everything that was significant in your life. One infinite second. A second that will never end.

A breath is forced through the mounting pressure in your chest.

"Who am I going to live for now?"

A tremble storms through your soul. The burden of reality is too much for you and you cave into yourself. You were a fighter once. But you are not strong enough to fight this. No one is. Who can stand strong against the destruction of their very core?

"Dear Merciful God in Heaven, What am I going to do now?"

Your fist strikes the earth and it shakes. Nothing has foundation anymore. Everything is capable of betrayal. No trust will reside in you again.

You yearn for where you used to be and you despise where you are now. Cold and broken covered in the residues of agonizing treachery.

Roaming the dusty roads you have become a deserted shadow of who you used to be. Your friends gaze through you with pity laced eyes. They ask you if you're okay. Okay!? Are you okay!? Your essence has been ripped out of you with an endless whip of poisoned thorns. You can't reply; your tears drown your words into oblivion. They never stop asking though. And soon you learn to nod and smile although from the inside you will never be revived again. Your joy lies deceased. You don't want to hear the questions anymore and soon they stop asking. You put on a show of being normal. Daily routines seem like an unbearable burden. You try your best not to give in to the incessant whispers that are coaxing you to give up.

It seems as if people are now satisfied and you cease to get the sudden reassuring hug or the constant presence of people around you. Then you miss people asking if you're okay. Because you're not and you're terrified you never will be. You shiver whilst hugging your pillow.

The day drags another behind. The moon morphs into the sun. Your pain is the only thing that is constant.

You sleep.

Your eyes flutter open to the sunlight casting tiny rainbows through the cracks in the curtain. It's beautiful.

You breathe in a fragrant breeze that seems to be existent just for you.

Something has changed.

You can still recognize the pain, but it doesn’t hurt. Something has mended. Not like its new, it will forever be deformed, but it's not broken anymore. A butterfly lands softly onto your hand and teases your fingers with delicate kisses. It flies off and you follow it.

You enter a room and you are instantly overwhelmed with love. People who adore you surround you. You get lost in a flurry of hugs, kisses and soft caresses.

A child's laughter brushes against your ear and a smile can't be stopped from crowning your face. The smile seems so bizarre to you. You haven't felt the urge to in such a long time. But something about that laugh brings back nostalgic memories of when happiness coursed through your being.

You look in the mirror and you're one again. No longer a mess of pieces that cannot fit together. You have no trouble breathing. Life has regained its radiance.

Suddenly just like it started it ends. The countless moments of self-torture and anguish have vanished. Replaced with something you can barely remember. Peacefulness lined with a sprinkle of satisfaction.

Yet you are not the same person you used to be. A difference is apparent. A wisdom that comes with the ordeal of overcoming a shattered heart.

Warmth rushes through your soul as you witness a shooting star.

You smile again; genuinely, gracefully, perfectly.

You didn't know you were fighting but yet you had won the war.

"Damn, I've missed this"

A second, it took one insignificant second to remind you of everything that was significant in your life.

Fallen

Fallen from the heavens I was born onto this earth.

With a sparkling tear caressing my eye I embrace my transition. Slowly treading the clouds with my golden feet I whisper farewell into the folds of a star. I hear my wings start to break and the Angels mourn my departure. They close their eyes as my sighs grow distant. A sacrifice that had to be made. One that nobody dares to question.

I stand at the edge of Beyond and brace myself for the journey ahead.

I start to weep as Temptation grips me and attempts to force me to steal a glance at what I am leaving behind.
But I can't, it is hard enough as it is.

I let myself fall.

The World quakes as I land with a frightening crash.

Heavy Silence.

Where are the helping hands that wish to aid me?
My legs tremble as I try for the first time to solitarily pull myself up.
A raped virgin.
My back burns intensely from the pain of losing my once beautiful wings.
But my heart burns more ferociously.

Terrified I stand. I look around with trusting eyes, looking for a sign of beauty. But what I see is destruction of all magnitudes.

Why has hope abandoned this Land?

My feet start to move.

Slowly treading the pools of blood with my cracked feet I whisper hello into the shades of the lonesome night.

The air itself is tainted. Poisonous inhalation that slaughters at every ounce of innocence.

I start to run. People become a blur of contaminated auras. I want to scream. But my voice fails me. I am choking.

Beauty. Amidst the crowds of corruption. I suddenly halt.
I am drawn to it.
The Beautiful is in need, I give with no caution.
My all has become theirs. My pain is discarded for a moment.
I love The Beautiful.
I wait for return, but left dry I am.
Suddenly I look closer.
The surface is cracked.
The Beautiful is flawed with greed and selfishness.
The core does not live up to the facade.
Betrayed, fooled, ignorant. That is all that I am at this instant of revelation.
They are dead from the inside.

I step back, my pain striking me with the fist of abrupt return.
Betrayed.
The Beautiful has stabbed my back, tearing open the old wounds that my wings have left behind.
A sudden yearning to return to where I came from overwhelms me and I fall to my knees.
I cannot fly. There's no way back.

I look around me.
A forest of burnt trees. Acid rain twinkling as it eats away at stone. Gray clouds torn open with the anger of the universe striking mankind. Death.

I have become ashamed of what I am.
Purity interpreted as ignorance.
Love mistaken for vulnerability.
Strength thought of as weakness.

What happened to this place to make it so hideously sinister?

I shouldn't be ashamed. Shame on this world that makes the good feel like they don't belong.

I will not allow myself to transform to survive.
Fatality is welcome more than evil will ever be.

I am the Fairness that pays the price
I am the soul destined to suffer.

So be it.

My knees dig into the blackened earth and my tears fail to nourish the murdered grass.
And then out of nowhere, brilliance attacks the skies and I feel the earth shudder under my touch.

I look up, and there it is.

A helping hand from another Fallen Angel.

"You Are Not Alone." 

The little boy without a name

Once upon a time there was a little boy without a name. This little boy was a very good boy. In fact it was rumored that this little boy was brought down to earth by an angel who cradled him in the softness of a cloud. He was always smiling and loved to help people. This caused the little boy without a name to have a great many friends. He was always surrounded by many little boys and girls. The little boy loved having all his friends in his life and always gave them whatever they asked. One of his close friends was called Greed. She loved to always ask the little boy without a name for favors. He would always hurry to make Greed happy. The little boy without a name believed that nothing in this world was more important than helping your friends. So he worried and he hurried until he made Greed's wishes come true. Greed loved having the little boy without a name in her life because it seemed that there was always something she needed and he would not rest until he got it for her. In fact she loved the little boy without a name so much that she introduced him to her friend Envy. As soon as Envy met the little boy without a name he was very intrigued. Envy as a matter of fact tried to copy everything that the little boy without a name did. Envy felt like he wanted to be even better at everything than the little boy without a name was. Soon the three friends were inseparable. All the other little boys and girls thought that the little boy without a name, Greed and Envy were very popular and wanted to be their friends. That is how Selfish and Bitter met the three friends. Selfish and Bitter were a pair of twins that were new to the neighborhood. The little boy without a name was very quick to try and make them feel welcome and include them in his life. Greed and Envy agreed to be friends with them also, but they kept mostly to themselves. The five friends lived like this for some time.

One cold winter night, Greed asked the little boy without a name for a favor. To do this favor he had to take a long journey and go through a lot of hardship. But the little boy without a name could never refuse a request from a close friend. As he was preparing for his journey Envy appeared on his doorstep. "I want to come with you oh little boy without a name, I know I can do this journey too," said Envy, with his bright green eyes sparkling like a snowflake. "The more the merrier my dear friend! I have no doubt it will be a more enjoyable trip because my friend will be with me," said the little boy without a name. So together the two boy set on a journey full of obstacles.

Days later as they neared their destination, the little boy without a name was exhausted and thirsty. Envy was not well prepared for the trip and so the little boy without a name shared his food and water with him. One day the little boy without a name fell with a soft thud onto the snow because he was very tired. "Let us rest for a little bit Envy my friend, I am so tired," he said, his voice peeping through his furry coat.

"No said Envy, we are almost there and I need to continue. You rest I will leave you here," replied Envy.  The little boy without a name was very confused: "But Envy we are here together! Wait for me, I am afraid I get lost without you."

"But if I leave now I will get there first and I will get Greed what she wanted, she will like me more and everyone will tell me how much better I am. Everyone loves you oh little boy without a name. It is not fair I do not have as many friends as you do!" Greed yelled into the frosty air as he turned around and walked away.

The little boy was left alone, cold thirsty and dumbfounded. "Envy is my friend! I shared everything with him and helped him all along. How could he abandon me in my time of need?" His tears froze even before they reached his chin. The little boy without a name, curled up in the snow and cried himself to sleep.

And as he slowly slipped into eternal rest, he suddenly remembered that he once had a name. He was once called Innocence.