It’s a bit cloudy today in the crevices of my mind
Obscuring truths I don’t want to know, answers I wish not to find
It’s rainy today in the juncture between my brain and my soul
Drowning out the thoughts that I wish I’d heard before
Waves of comfort calm my spirit, but crush me when they reach my rocky shore
For in that serenity hide the dangers that shake me at my very core
I feel at peace when reality melts away like dripping gold,
Shining brightly, creating fantasies as I wish them to unfold
Dreams of where I’m free to live, where what’s hidden is told
Where my surroundings I create and where my heart is truly bold
A place where I can roam freely, a place where souls aren’t so cold
But then reality again and again it takes its unyielding hold
Then I’m left where cruelty has become the currency around me
Sipping at my naivety, destroying who I once dreamed I could be
Turning my summer champagne into cold and bitter black tea
Gnawing at my roots until I’m as weak as a brittle palm tree
Whose branches just keep on snapping, destroying the parts that make me
Chiseling away at my sculpture until I collapse into lakes of debris
And as I scatter in the violent tides, they pick up the scraps for free
Someone steals my joy, the other steals my trust
Someone steals my peace, and I’m left an empty crust
The struggle never ends to hold on to who I am
Cursed with disorienting winds, an identity like swirling sand
Sometimes it terrifies me, because I begin to lose my mind
Wondering who I am, and why the hell I fight to remain this kind
How do they toughen their heart, how do they conquer their mind?
How do they find the strength to leave those who they love behind?
How do they manage to live their lives while constantly aligned
With only what they want, and to others’ needs turn blind?
How did they learn to take before they learned to give?
How did they learn to break your heart but never to forgive?
Who taught them that to crush and plunder was the only way to live?
And why and when did I learn that I had to just give, give and give?
Give up my identity,
In order to appease you, like an insatiable deity
You kept me drunk on hope, miles away from sobriety
Wishing I could just reach out to the rest of society
When you treated me like you own me and I reacted with piety
Because you know just how to take control of my fragile anxiety
And I find myself with conflicting thoughts of where I thought I’d be,
Wondering if it is too late to take my chance at all opportunity
To embrace the world, to connect myself, to smell, touch, hear and see
To re-sail my boats and rediscover my authentic morality
To dance, to sing, to laugh, to breathe in diversity
To scrape off my scars, to shed off adversity
And ask myself honestly for once, who it is I’m born to be
And give myself the existential right to live with my spirit free
Beyond the right you thought you had to bind me with your slavery