When I first glimpsed your face;
Saw the way your lips fought off a twitch,
As you turned shyly away, hiding your smile,
Your eyes anywhere but gazing into mine,
A jittering, nervous flirt,
A soft voice I strained to hear
And when I felt how tenderly you touched my hand,
I knew one day you’d have my heart.
You soon had my eye,
You soon had my smile,
You soon had my interest.
And the trench that kept my heart at bay,
Slowly, surely and savagely filled with rivers of hope.
And you sailed,
Crossed beyond my lakes of doubt,
And my sanctuary gave you the key.
I felt it then.
I felt it when you realized how precious it was,
This untrodden soil so close to my love.
You looked at me,
With those downcast, bashful eyes,
And I surrendered,
Piece by piece becoming yours.
Only then did you look me straight in the eye,
And I truly saw you for the first time.
The twitch of your lips actually a smirking snarl –
Where’s the smile that sang in my dreams?
Your eyes, now black as coal and hard like steel,
Stopped looking around when you realized,
Realized there was nowhere for me to run.
The soft voice that lulled me into peace,
Hid a roar that tore my soul in half.
Your touch, once soft, now clutching me,
Your fingertips searing my skin,
Branding me with your name.
You are a hunter,
I was your prize prey.
I didn’t stand a chance against your deception.
You’ve honed your skills of falsity over a million, million moments,
Hunting the likes of me:
Born bright, born wild, born free,
Born with laughter, warmth and exceptionality.
You needed to capture me,
Your thirst to tame what once could change the world.
By the time I realized you owned me,
It was just too late.
Like a drug, you got me hooked on you,
Dependent on your judgment to see myself.
You re-dug the trench around my heart,
But this time with you inside,
And you dared me to let anyone else in close.
You tore down the fragile bridges I built,
Stone by stone,
In moments erasing what I had formed over years.
Your blade pierced into my spirit
Every time it dreamed of roaming.
Keeping me in the cage you made my life.
Your whispers non-stop:
“This is what you deserve”
“You’re nothing without me”
“I’m the only one who can tolerate your shame”
Your words chaining my mind,
Stifling my voice,
Overpowering me until they became my own,
Until finally, I lost myself.