Separate me

Separate me from this fear.

Separate me from this dread.

Separate me from these thoughts,

Breaking me down in my head.

Separate me from this weight,

Sitting squarely in my chest;

Separate me from this tainted mind

That never seems to rest.

Separate me from this pain

That has merged with every cell,

Which make me who I am

And agonizingly in me dwell.

Separate me from this ache,

That’s painted my spirit bleak.

Separate me from these chains

That make my spirit shriek.

Separate me from insecurity

That whispers in my ear

And drenches me with a mist of grief

With every word I hear.

Separate me from this weakness

That keeps me up at night.

Separate me from this surrender,

The death of all my fight.

Separate me from this regret

Echoing with every step I take,

Assaulting my fragile memories,

Coaxing my soul to break.

Separate me from this heart

That pumps with misery too fast

And grips my chest with frigid breaths

That feel like they’re my last.

Separate me from these voices

Erupting in my skull,

Making me feel unworthy

And making my spirit dull.

Separate me from this doubt

That never leaves me alone,

Holding onto me until,

It turned my heart to stone.

Separate me from this duality,

Making my life a lie,

That I fear will never leave me

Until I hope I die. 

Anxiety

It latched itself unto my heart,

With a ferocious thud in my chest.

It tore my dreams and I apart,

And every hope it soon suppressed.

It swam its way up to my head,

Slithered and poked at every fold.

It whispered to my fears “go spread,

Don’t you rest till he’s controlled.”

It seeped its way into my blood,

Marring the red with specks of black.

It tore my barriers with a flood,

A cold pre-dawn, sustained attack.

It threw its shade over my face,

And clouded the light in my eyes.

It found a shelter in the place,

So despaired beneath my sighs.

It ripped itself into my soul

And built its home, it’s here to stay.

It laughs at my self-control,

And won’t stop till it has its way.

It became a part of who I am,

I am it and it is me.

Identify a painful sham,

Where “I” once was, there’s only “we”. 

Dark cloud

There’s a dark cloud that fell to earth one day

And suddenly I found myself living in tones of gray

Sometimes it overtakes me and there’s no stop to the pain

Sometimes it washes over me with tears like rain. 

Mr Sandman

The Sandman has lost his mind

I can feel him there before my mind falls into sleep

I can feel him slit his wrists,

His blood gushes and it wets the sand he blankets me in

It itches my skin,

I scratch and the sand gets into me,

Seeping into my blood

It reaches my head and it floods my brain

And it makes my thoughts break apart, break free,

They course through me, they gallop into my soul

They feed on the infected sand and become deranged

The thoughts mutate, they’re no longer mine,

I can’t stop them, there are so many of them

They make my heart beat faster

They weigh down my chest.

I gasp, I shudder, I twitch, I gasp again.

They start speaking to me, asking me, prodding me

Screaming at me, again and again:

“What If everything goes wrong?”

“What if you truly are a failure?”

“What if the world ends right now?”

“What can you be proud of?

“What if they all die?”

“What if they find out?”

“You’re weak.” “You’re pathetic.”

“Look at you,” they say.

But I don’t want to look at me.

I want to shield my eyes.

I need tears to distort my vision,

To relieve this mounting pressure of hopelessness and pain.

But tears don’t come.

The Sandman had sprinkled his sand onto my lashes

They seeped into my tear-ducts, drying me out,

Prying my eyes open and I’m now forced to see.

To see me. Cowering, humiliated.

I close my eyes. I pray, I count, I breathe in deep.

And slowly, every so slowly, this world fades.

But right before the darkness embraces me,

My body jerks awake, afraid of what I’ll see.

Or worse, what I won’t find in my sleep.

Because a need grips my dreams.

A search for meaning, for salvation.

An opaque lens of realties.

I twist and turn in sleep,

My soul somewhere, gripped by a quest.

Nothing makes sense.

Children die in my arms,

I can’t protest the deaf,

The dead whisper,

I’m the grand winner,

The angry man whips me with his poisoned spikes…

And then I awake with a wail

There is no refuge, awake or asleep.

Where is my protector, where is my guardian?

My eyes travel upwards and I see it twinkle in the dawn’s light

Why, oh Dreamcatcher, have you forsaken me?

I slowly rise, I peer into its web.

I touch it, and I see now that the Sandman’s blood had splattered there.

What can save me now?

I give in. Yet again, I have failed. The Sandman has won.

As the sunlight starts to flood my room,

I lay in my bed shivering and I close my eyes

I hear a clock tick in my head and all I can do is wait.

Laying still until he comes again. 

Fragile

Fragile

On the edge

Scared, scarred and bare.

Frightened

Of what's to come

Rain, pain, despair.

Faithless

Losing grip

Drought, doubt, unfair.