I see right through you

My prayer mat is drenched in the blood of those you’ve killed

My prayer beads shatter every time you pull that trigger

My fast is broken by the taste of the tears of those you’ve caused to grieve

My ears are burning with the words you say, thick with hate, rough with lies, ugly, putrid, insane

You wear my name

You wear my face

You twist my holy words

You turn towards the same direction I turn to when I pray for peace, yet you yell for war

You claim my beliefs

You scream my God’s name

And you dare to call me brother

They might not see, but I see right through you

You aren’t of me

I am not of you

Under all that makes us seem like one,

There lies the truth:

You are darkness where I am light

You are hate where I am love

You are judgement where I am mercy

You are terror where I am hope

You are theft where I am charity

You are a monster where I am humanity

You are wrong where I am right

You are shame, disgrace, blasphemy

You are sin

I cannot understand you yet I am asked to justify your atrocities

How could you do what you do?

How is your heart hardened and dead when we are taught to love, respect, care and sacrifice?

You aren’t of me

I am not of you

You steal my name

You steal my face

And you try to taint my faith

They might not see, but I see right through you

Hate taking a deceptive form

No matter what you do

You won’t stop my prayers for all your victims

You won’t stop the fight I wage against you

You won’t stop the love that I dutifully practice

You won’t stop the hopeful knowledge that we will prevail

As we both turn our heads to the heavens,

Speaking the same divine name,

My prayers for peace will destroy your prayers for fear

They might lose sight of you because they might not see, but I can see right through you

And I am not alone

Despondency

On my knees,

Wretched, drenched in the filth of humankind.

I scream to you “Please!”

Deliver me of this, with pain I’m too entwined.

My feet sore, disfigured

From this journey I did not choose,

My soul formed and configured

That in battle inevitably I lose.

I beg of you, release me.

Allow me to feel the silence of you,

The holy hollow that will always be

What I long to disappear into.

The peace and quiet of my origin

The darkness that shines with light

A void that is void of sin,

Where a broken man can find his might.

My desire to depart is consuming me,

I ache, my Lord, with fatigue

If I remain I can never be free

From the pull of the Devil’s league.

Temptation remains my adversity

Against light it will always prevail  

In my heart abundant with enormity

The knowledge that against it I’ll fail

I writhe in anguish, my Lord, in misery

I ask of you to let me perish.

These crushing breaths laced with agony

Fail to provide what I crave to nourish.

I bathe in waves of despondency

Why allow my soul such suffering?

I have turned to you, yet I fail to see,

My vision cracked, raped and faltering.

Thus, simply, I plead of you

To help me shut my tired eyes

I cannot face what I’ve turned into

Painted in veils of foreboding dyes

This battle has now overpowered me

A spear in the heart of my resolution

Decaying blood, lack of purity

Demeaned to spiritual prostitution

On my knees,

Wretched, drenched in the filth of humankind.

I whisper to you “Please!”

Redeem me of this, with pain I’m too entwined.

My hands sore, disfigured

From this story I wish not to write

My spirit formed and configured

To sorrow until it is out of sight. 

Sinners & saints

I breathe in the fragrant scent

A fading memory of childhood dreams.

I smile as the devil chuckles

And the angels start to break and scream

Breaking glass invades my veins

I feel nothing but soft release.

A battle between sinners and saints

I am the prey, I am the feast.

Surrendering to the sirens’ song,

I am pulled back by the clang of gates.

Confusion embedded in my soul

“Come back to us, it is not too late!”

Torn apart, beyond destroyed,

I weep into the color gray.

An empty soul, I survive

After my death of yesterday.

I feel no pain, I remain numb

Crucified by two extremes.

Minutes lost as I bleed

Into the void that is my dreams.

Innocence robbed so long ago

A child thrown into deadly sin.

Devils rejoice, angels pity

In the end who’s going to win?