The talk

Soft taps, like the echoes of toddlers' footsteps on marble,

Slowly creep into the skin beside my aching left eye.

My eyelids drop like epic thunder.

Both sets of eyelashes rushing to embrace the other side.

The light disappears,

As I seek the momentary sanctuary of the transparent darkness.

And then…

She speaks,

Again.

Brightness attacks my eyes with a frightening ferocity

As my eyelashes are reluctantly forced to separate.

Words continue their journey beyond her lips.

The toddlers have grown into children: hyperactivity their only trait.

Their footsteps now run rampant,         

Spreading around my eyes and tantalizingly, steadily creeping towards my temples in an excruciating game of hide and seek.

Dodging behind my brain-cells and digging around until they find the perfect spot to hide: in the folds between my brain's hemispheres.

I inhale sharply,

My tightening throat ripping apart with a gush of oxygenated molecules.

The damn children morph into adolescents, seeking the sanctuary of the dark they crawl in pairs into my lungs.

My breaths turn shallow,

The sharp orgasmic inhaling of the crazed mating teenagers stealing purity out of my gasps.

Still,

She speaks.

Oblivious to the torment her agonizing utterances provoke in me.

The Dead Sea threatening eruption;

I try to close my eyes.

But No.

Sick of their separation my eyelashes have divorced, they refuse to meet.

All I can do is gaze at her,

My forced sight seeing right through her, into her.

What ugliness.

She seethes:

"Why aren't you saying anything!?"

Does she not see how her words have dissected me?

I cough.

I try to talk,

The adolescents now adults fight to pour out of my mouth.

They seek emancipation.

I seal my lips.

She's not ready to hear what I have to say. 

The little boy without a name

Once upon a time there was a little boy without a name. This little boy was a very good boy. In fact it was rumored that this little boy was brought down to earth by an angel who cradled him in the softness of a cloud. He was always smiling and loved to help people. This caused the little boy without a name to have a great many friends. He was always surrounded by many little boys and girls. The little boy loved having all his friends in his life and always gave them whatever they asked. One of his close friends was called Greed. She loved to always ask the little boy without a name for favors. He would always hurry to make Greed happy. The little boy without a name believed that nothing in this world was more important than helping your friends. So he worried and he hurried until he made Greed's wishes come true. Greed loved having the little boy without a name in her life because it seemed that there was always something she needed and he would not rest until he got it for her. In fact she loved the little boy without a name so much that she introduced him to her friend Envy. As soon as Envy met the little boy without a name he was very intrigued. Envy as a matter of fact tried to copy everything that the little boy without a name did. Envy felt like he wanted to be even better at everything than the little boy without a name was. Soon the three friends were inseparable. All the other little boys and girls thought that the little boy without a name, Greed and Envy were very popular and wanted to be their friends. That is how Selfish and Bitter met the three friends. Selfish and Bitter were a pair of twins that were new to the neighborhood. The little boy without a name was very quick to try and make them feel welcome and include them in his life. Greed and Envy agreed to be friends with them also, but they kept mostly to themselves. The five friends lived like this for some time.

One cold winter night, Greed asked the little boy without a name for a favor. To do this favor he had to take a long journey and go through a lot of hardship. But the little boy without a name could never refuse a request from a close friend. As he was preparing for his journey Envy appeared on his doorstep. "I want to come with you oh little boy without a name, I know I can do this journey too," said Envy, with his bright green eyes sparkling like a snowflake. "The more the merrier my dear friend! I have no doubt it will be a more enjoyable trip because my friend will be with me," said the little boy without a name. So together the two boy set on a journey full of obstacles.

Days later as they neared their destination, the little boy without a name was exhausted and thirsty. Envy was not well prepared for the trip and so the little boy without a name shared his food and water with him. One day the little boy without a name fell with a soft thud onto the snow because he was very tired. "Let us rest for a little bit Envy my friend, I am so tired," he said, his voice peeping through his furry coat.

"No said Envy, we are almost there and I need to continue. You rest I will leave you here," replied Envy.  The little boy without a name was very confused: "But Envy we are here together! Wait for me, I am afraid I get lost without you."

"But if I leave now I will get there first and I will get Greed what she wanted, she will like me more and everyone will tell me how much better I am. Everyone loves you oh little boy without a name. It is not fair I do not have as many friends as you do!" Greed yelled into the frosty air as he turned around and walked away.

The little boy was left alone, cold thirsty and dumbfounded. "Envy is my friend! I shared everything with him and helped him all along. How could he abandon me in my time of need?" His tears froze even before they reached his chin. The little boy without a name, curled up in the snow and cried himself to sleep.

And as he slowly slipped into eternal rest, he suddenly remembered that he once had a name. He was once called Innocence. 

Your trembling hands

Your trembling hands ripped through me and destroyed what it was that made me good.

Trembling not in fear, but in cold calculated anticipation.

How easy it was for you to carelessly fling my essence aside, and I,

I just stood there with a smile teasing my lips and pain fluttering through my eyes.

Infatuation.

I worshiped you.

My love a mosque,

A church of loyalty in the synagogue of trust.

I was beautiful once.

I shone with a sparkling brilliance,

A flame your love failed to help me maintain.

How dare you look at me!?

You are the reason I am so hideous,

Despise tainted my purity because of the iciness of your touch.

Constant judging,

Daily brushes with contempt.

Is it a surprise that this I have become?

It is too late to turn towards me now.

Absolutely devastated.

There is no longer enough of me left to rejoice over your homecoming.

So slither back to your Holy throne and do what it is you do best.

Look down on me as I lay shamed and shaking on the floor.

I hate you.

No.

My words betray me,

I hate how you make me feel.

You triggered disintegration at the same moment you seduced me with your empty eyes.

"They are glass."

I thought I could see right through you,

But I was fooled,

They were merely cheap mirrors,

What I saw in them was not me as your heart's desire;

But a reflection of my naïve smile.

I feel like screaming,

A cry that would pierce the darkness of the oceans' depths.

Yet you remain deaf.

What a frustrated illness it is that is tearing me into oblivion.

My blood boils with hate,

But not towards you.

My heart cannot seem to surrender its fondness for you.

How is it that I can still wish to feel your murderous hands caress me?

To taste my victimized blood off of your lips?

I reek of the unexplainable.

You, the God of my devotion;

As I raise my hands up to you;

Accept my prayer.

Kill me with your merciful wrath.

I cannot live another day attached to your indifference.

But my heart lacks the courage to let you go.

End my life,

End my love

End this torture.

What is it

What is it about certain people that creates in us a craving to be an intrinsic part of their lives?

I do not fathom.

Yet a certainty engulfs me in knowing that whatever it is, it resides within you.

Strangers once we were, forced to cross each others' paths by the delicate hands of fate.

Who knew when I laid eyes upon you that the beauty that exists within you would befriend me and caress my pain?

How ironic that we who are now friends, would meet in such a random and forgettable way. The lure of destiny it is.

I still don't even know everything about you, but yet, I want to. A fire that scorches me with the flames of curiosity, I am eager to know you, inside as much as out. Why am I so fixated on you? Another question with no answer. It is just something about you that intrigues the essence of me. I want to share my all with you. I want you to hold my hand and tell me it will be okay and I want brush the cobwebs of fear away from your soul.

I just want to love you. To be your friend. Completely. Utterly. Loyally.

I want to be the one to listen to you when your cries fall on deaf ears

I want to be the one to understand your insecurities no matter how delusional they might seem.

I want to be the one who is there to see the smile on your face when you realize that the world is indeed worth living.

I want to be the embrace that carries you to safety.

You are so amazing. You don't even know it. Your caring eyes are blinded when cast onto yourself. It hurts me that the wonderment of who you are, that wonderment that has saved so many people, fails to satisfy you. I wish I could slow you down, fight you down if I have to and make you let me take care of you. I can see how tired you have become of being the savior of so many. And I witness those stolen glances of disappointment when you're in need and no one reciprocates. You are falling apart, and even if I can't stop it, I promise I will be the net that catches the pieces of you and meticulously puts you back together. Just don't push me away. Don't let the treacherous bitterness sink its fangs into your heart, I am not like the others.

Let me in, my footsteps are light. Just let me in. I will tiptoe through your frustrations and tread softly around your failing hope until trust slowly makes its journey bonding you to me. If you have given up, I will undo the damage. If you are scared, I will shield your vulnerability. Just let me in. I will care for you, cherish you and give you the appreciation you so desperately deserve. Let me in.

I do not claim to have a crystal ball but my array of experiences have taught me how to catch a glimpse into the future. Years from now when you are whole, when you have finally discovered the magnificence of you, when you are satisfied with who you are and when you see your dreams unfold before your eyes, I will be smiling because I will know I had something to do with that journey you took, first with hesitant footsteps then with confident strides. And at that point be us memories or be us friends, we will look back and thank the heavens for pulling the strings that made us bump into each other's lives.

No hidden motives, no expectations, no selfish desires

Without condition; my love for you is absolute.

Power of love

It feels like your smile's radiant glow penetrated my heart, invading every dark corner, dark sanctuaries to my fear and doubt.

Slowly, steadily, savagely slaying the negative feelings that have taken refuge in my once lonely heart.

Putting back the pieces of me that have fallen apart.

The tender timid touch of your hand on mine puts to rest the worries that seem to plague my mind.

The sad and lonely child in me marvels how a person can be this genuinely kind.

When I look into your eyes I see never ending horizons,

The eternal sunshine of hope,

The person that understands how to love a terrified broken heart, like that which resides in me.

You have cautiously guided me out of the shell I had imprisoned myself in;

Preferring solitude than the prospect of dealing with pain again.

Your unconditional love seeped into my insecurity and ate at it from the inside, turning it into sparkling euphoric joy,

Which surrounds the core of my soul, transforming it from freezing cold to the warmth of a cooling coal.

Like a butterfly looking back at its cocoon, I look back at how I used to be before you.

A shivering cowering being chained to the corners of a filthy room, a prisoner of his fear.

Hurt once, almost gone forever.

Clinging to a shield of loneliness and hiding behind people's misunderstandings.

I look back at who I used to be

And I thank God

That you were able to see the person that you helped make me be, even before anyone else could.

I appreciate your constant struggle against people's doubts;

And I apologize for every time you showed me love and I cowered back between the cracks of my shattered heart.

Your trust, your patience, your devotion, your loyalty, your understanding

All helped heal the hurt that I thought even time could not mend.

Because of you I am now a free spirit gliding in the paradise of emotions,

Inhaling the fragrant scent of honesty and relaxing in the waterfalls of trust.

My dark cloudy skies destroyed by a million rainbows and a billion shooting stars.

The monsters that used to chase my sanity have become unicorns and gazelles that graze at my feet and keep the hope forever planted into my essence.

I love you,

The words that used to take my breath away in the intimidated fear of revealing my true feelings to another

Are now the words that form the air I need to survive.

I have changed because of you,

My heart beats not to live, but to whisper your sacred name.

I love you,

My angel,

With a fierce force that even the universe cannot contain.

Every inch of my existence is so deeply devoted to the strong, fragile, sentimental, feelings I feel for you.

The power of love has touched my life,

A blessing triggered by your presence at my side.

Angel, because of you

My soul is transformed,

My heart is open wide,

Come closer my destiny,

You love me for who I am

There's no more reason for me to hide….

My heart beats

My heart beats with the intimate whispers of your name

People say I've so deeply fallen, that I'll never be the same.

But why would I want to remain like I was before?

If my life has changed by you, there's nothing I could wish for more.

You grace my dreams, and remain by my side.

Even if we're miles away your place is here

In the folds of my captured heart.

With every passing day your worth, it grows.

I want to scream your name with a heart felt cry,

Till the whole world knows that I surrender my all,

To you my love.

For the first time,

These feelings invade my soul,

Invading territories I did not know.

I find a new meaning to myself,

A gentle side I wasn't aware I own.

Such strong emotions course through my veins,

I've lost all control!

Never was I exposed to such random love,

And there's nothing I'd prefer at all.

The man of sin

Guilt is in every step. The man of sin steps into the hearts of the pure for refuge. Out of place he feels, with his reeking soul. He is only half there. Empty eyes and a resonating laugh. His heart weighed down with infinite questions, his essence blown away with broken hopes and shattered dreams. Where does he belong!? Who will let him into their existence? Attention-starved he swallows his acid salt tears. Death on his mind he prays. Abandoned by everyone and accepted not. His pain’s magnitude incomprehensible. The hated man roams the empty roads and laughs ironically at the absurdity of love; A passionless quest for self-fulfillment. “Oh Lord, why have you let me stray?” he questions the ice cold night. His heart as numb as his fingertips, his breath a struggle he’s dying to give up but yet…he can’t. The ultimate test has been thrown his way and now failure invades his dreams, turning the pleasant into a scream of the night that pierces sanity and kills the innocent. Lost. He is so lost; beyond; confused he stumbles as he runs into the middle of nowhere. He sighs as he falls eternally into delusion. What does he have to do to undo this curse? Values screech “Off with his head!” His heart alive with emotional tides, conflicted and hopeless what can this man do? “Oh Lord why have you condemned me to this fate? My love for you burns eternal… yet my faith quivers for an instant. Oh Creator; I am flawed! Fix me or forgive me!” Alone in the corner the man weeps. A broken home and a world infested with selfish savages. Discriminating lions his way daily cross. Misunderstood he closes his eyes. Why has the world not disappeared? Only death is certain, death and this incessant pain that no other can fathom. Will death bring the desired peace or will it trigger the journey that will strip the humanity out of his soul? “Oh Lord what have I done to deserve this? ‘Privileged I am’ they say. Oh Merciful it is just too hard! I want to devote myself to you but how can I slaughter my heart’s desire?”  Life a wave of laughter and tears, happy but eternally sad, everlasting underlying pain. “Who is there to help me? Will I be saved? Will I survive or give into damnation as the holy time arrives and the devils’ chains rest still? Will my faith carry me through or will my soul, the mother of sin, trap me in the turmoil of an endless black and boiling night?”

Bare room

I don’t think I can handle this anymore

Life a bare room

The walls closing in on me

Where can I hide but inside myself?

There's no where to go

No one to confide in

One window

So far away

The people that I think care for me

Look in and check on me once in a while

I can feel the question

Pass momentarily through their minds…

Is he going to be okay?

But as soon as they glance behind them

They forget

They forget and get involved in what's on the other side of the walls

Things I can never be a part of

I wish someone would just notice that the walls are about to crush me into a mass of broken thoughts and lost hopes.

If they just take the time, they can open the door and save me

Save me from myself.

I'm driving myself crazy

Waiting for the moment where everything will cease.

Cease for a second until my thoughts return to haunt me;

Although my physical presence will fade away and I'll be forgotten.

I know you will regret not reaching out for the handle

But by then it will be too late

And I know the guilt will consume you so fiercely.

I hate to think of you suffering that way

So I’ll try and reach out maybe you'll notice and you'll save me.

But sometimes I think you deserve to suffer

Suffer,

Suffer like I did, like I do, like I will every day

But I would not wish the same fate for someone else

Not even Satan that laughs as I slowly loose my faith

I glance at the door

Anticipating

I can feel the heat of the walls

Scorching my cheeks

Oh God

Time's running out

My eyes never leave the handle…

Will anyone ever save me?