Steel eyelashes

Your steel eyelashes latch onto my heart,

Blood rimmed eyes peering way too close into this pain of my mine.

Naked, exposed in the most intimate of ways

Against my will, my soul is bared.

You glare into the cracks. Eyeing every hurt, every stab, every death which has created me.

Gazing into my monstrous essence.

Deep, deep...

Deep into my hideousness.

You witness the scars,

The only memories left behind after the most complete abandonments.

Your vision penetrates my very core.

Inside the blackness,

You can see a little too clearly for my liking,

But yet you invade.

You penetrate with no end in sight.

Your glare fucks my spirit,

Entering me with reckless abandon and calculated assault

Raping my secrets, abusing my hidden truths,

You destroy my hymen of privacy.

Then you see them:

The insecurities.

The array of sensitivities, the doubt, the self hate;

The murdered confidence.

Your eyes grow wider, daring not miss a single detail.

Learning me.

I might be able to fight you away.

But my loneliness is a poison,

Cripplingly complete,

It paralyzes me and I let it

I no longer have a fight left in me, I am strength-less.

A conflict of hate for your eye's occupation and a need for even a tiny glimpse of attention.

You manipulated me into a motionless victim,

Full of fear, dread and apprehensive hope.

Might you be the one who will not look away in repulsion?

The one who will nod with acceptance and finally love me? 

I shudder in terror,

My horror a stimulant, dilating your pupils,

Absorbing more,

Observing my weakness.

Your irises colonizing my vulnerability.

I wait,

Wait for your embracing tears to cleanse the pain away,

Baptize my sin into salvation…

Eternal seconds: tantalizing, enticing, disgracing.

A mess of longing ,yearning....I linger.

Yet you persevere, unmoved

As I shiver.

My soul's disrobing so appealing to you,

I wait.

Against my will, my soul is bared.

Naked, exposed in the most intimate of ways.

Blood rimmed eyes peering way to close into this pain of mine

Your steel eyelashes unlatch from my heart

…And in sinisterness, you laugh. 

Slay me

Slay me.

Slay me peacefully.

Wrap your delicate fingers firmly around the knife's icy glint.

Slit my throat gently from side to side.

Watch lovingly as life escapes my eyes.

And smile.

Love, your dilemma has died.

You no longer have to choose.

I could see how hard it was for you.

Embedded bewilderment

Take the easy way out….

Destroy me,

Destroy me tenderly

Thrust the blade deeper into my back till it pierces my spine,

Break my ribs so that they can penetrate my heart

Unbearable pain followed by a blissful non existence.

There's no one left but him now

You'll find your focus and his doubt will cease.

Choke me

Choke me with care

Shatter this ache away from me

I thought I was strong but I am weak

Like the gasp that will explode out of me

When you pour your blood down my throat,

Drowning me.

Witness me fight for air

Grasp aimlessly at the breath of existence.

Gurgling away my last seconds.

My death your peace,

I fade against his vividness now.

I simmer away and he crashes in like waves.

God of my devotion

Your trembling hands ripped through me and destroyed what it was that made me good. 

Trembling not in fear, but in cold calculated anticipation.

How easy it was for you to carelessly fling my essence aside, and I,

I just stood there with a smile teasing my lips

And pain fluttering through my eyes.

Infatuation.

I worshiped you.

My love a mosque,
A church of loyalty in the synagogue of trust.
I was beautiful once.
I shone with a sparkling brilliance,
A flame your love failed to help me maintain.

How dare you look at me!?
You are the reason I am so hideous,
Despise tainted my purity because of the iciness of your touch.
Constant judging,
Daily brushes with contempt.
Is it a surprise that this I have become?

It is too late to turn towards me now.
Absolutely devastated.
There is no longer enough of me left to rejoice over your homecoming.
So slither back to your Holy throne and do what it is you do best.
Look down at me as I lay shamed and shaking on the floor.

I hate you.
No.
My words betray me,
I hate how you make me feel.
You triggered disintegration at the same moment you seduced me with your empty eyes.
"They are glass."
I thought I could see right through you,
But I was fooled,
They were merely cheap mirrors,
What I saw in them was not me as your heart's desire;
But a reflection of my naïve smile.

I feel like screaming,
A cry that would pierce the darkness of the oceans' depths.
Yet you remain deaf.
What a frustrated illness it is that is tearing me into oblivion.
My blood boils with hate,
But not towards you.
My heart cannot seem to surrender its fondness for you.
How is it that I can still wish to feel your murderous hands caress me?
To taste my victimized blood off of your lips?
I reek of the inexplainable.

You, the God of my devotion;
As I raise my hands up to you;
Accept my prayer.
Kill me with your merciful wrath.
I cannot live another day attached to your indifference.
But my heart lacks the courage to let you go.
End my life,
End my love
End this torture.

Dandelion of aches

Fatigue has wearied my bones
Due to the question that plagues my mind;
Attaching itself to memories, refusing to let go.
Inquiries will never end,
Silence but a mirage.
Loudly my heart breaks
Mute to the ears of them, the emotionally deaf.
What do I have to do to trigger a glimpse?
Stare into me.
See the arid deserts' thirst.
Hear the whispers of the decaying peacock stirring.
Touch the leper's lonely desperation.
Taste the bitterness of the widow's dreams.
The everlasting dawn, what a putrid pain!
Stare into me.
Share with me
Deep set agony,
Mosaic of insecurities,
The vision of tomorrow that fails.
Separate from me,
For I am frail
A dandelion of aches.
Abandon me mercifully
For I am on the verge
And you are the void which I cannot fall into.
Sighs that stimulate tsunamis
Hurricanes start at the drop of my pungent tears.
A disaster.
The force that pours vinegar into my wounds
You have undermined me into emptiness.
I feel diluted.
Traces of my previous strength lie gasping in the gutter.
The child of war
I cringe away from conflicted passions.
Enough torture,
Beautiful tormentor.
Release me.
Uncertainty resides in my bone marrow
Intrinsically, constantly, diligently.
Hurtful resonance vibrates through my veins
Enough.
Your presence drops of acid fading me away.
Your laugh a trillion stings in the core of my essence.
Your touch……
Oh your touch,
The scorpion's kiss that paralyzes who I am.
Can't you see I am suffocating?
You, only you solitarily have the power to revive me,
But routinely you fail me.
And as I die
A question plagues my mind;
Attaching itself to memories, refusing to let go.

"What have we become?"

Velvet steel

Don’t wake me up

Let me dream of silence

Let me lose my self in eternal bliss

Let me smile with carefree solitude

Let me lust after an angel’s kiss

 

Don’t wake me up

Please let me sleep

Let me just enjoy the rainy nights

Please let me dream of yesterday

Of one of my many previous lives

 

Let me go,

Just let me go!

Please don’t bring back reality

It and I are at civil war

It always seems to attack me

 

Why do I have to believe in what I see?

Imaginary whispers are just as real

Why can’t I go without a struggle

And just live my life like velvet steel?

 

Raining sun

And

Scorching cold,

Sweaty blizzards,

Cowering bold

Nothing is impossible in my dreams

I hate the harshness of reality

Everything mostly as it seems,

The suicide of possibility

 

Let me drift into peaceful slumber

Close my eyes

And live beautifully

Too afraid to open them

‘Cause living nightmares

Are all I see.

The merge

One peaceful day the moon meets the sun,

Opposites from different worlds

Unexpectedly they become one.

Rays and light, slowly, steadily, beautifully begin to merge

So intriguingly different

Yet a friendship starts to surge

The sun within you resides

A confidence of brightness undisputed

The moon in me takes its rise

A cloud of mystery so brightly illuminated

Your rays shine onto me,

I feel comfort so absolute

Your hand fits mine so perfectly

I can never again feel destitute

I see you; I see into you; I see through you,

You can read me like I am a set of transparent words

Under your gaze, hidden parts of me grew

Lit by the beauty of your caring voice.

Your love has occupied every aspect of my existence

Without you I would fail to survive

You have opened up your heart to me,

A beautiful journey where I learn, where I thrive. 

Bonds with strength so indestructible

With the magnificence of a spider’s web

A relationship of kind so desirable

With rarity of preciousness grand

No longer do I wonder if forever alone I’ll dwell

For you are intrinsically by my side

A satisfaction in my chest that will eternally swell

For I know you are a constant in my life.

How unity we’ve become

Baffles me to the farthest extremes

Depth, seriousness, love, closeness and fun

Combine to create you and me.

This is a promise for all of time,

This is a confession of the serious kind

Forever I am of you, forever you are mine

The sun will set, the moon will appear

The cycle of life will continue to collide

No matter be it I am far or near,

This love in my heart is immortal.

You and I are not opposites after all,

The moon and the sun have now combined

Together we will celebrate, grieve, rise and fall,

Two bodies, one soul, one glorious mind. 

Fading

In my state of elated sorrow

I wonder why I cease to feel.

A collision of intensities,

All so vivid all so real.

Shadows, illusions and silhouettes,

I miss the days when things were clear.

Drowning in oxymoronic emotions,

A chronic painful joyful fear.   

Fading away, losing touch.

Dying to enjoy my farewell meal.

Talking to my vibrant echoes,

They’re the only ones that seem to hear.

Reaching out with fingertips

Failing to bring the farthest near.

A silent scream explodes from me,

Caressing my final drying tear.

Promised love and security,

What was it that broke the deal?

The Devil gloats as he succeeds

My fragile dying hope to steal.

I moan in destructive irony,

With bitterness I can’t conceal.

Trying to regain what was lost,

To love again what once was dear.