For the liberty I could not keep

I watched you run unrestrained today,

You aura shinning in shades of gold

And my heart grew heavy and faded to black.

I watched the wind lift and kiss your hair,

The strands dancing in tangling waves

And my soul grew frigid and began to crack.

I watched your lips smiling through songs,

The melodies tumbling in twinkling notes

And my blood grew thicker and fed my grief.

I watched you dance to the universe’s rhythm,

Your body gliding, waltzing in space

And my mind grew numb and I lost belief.

Suddenly, inside, I unwound,

Envy pulsating, gaining ground,

Jealousy cascading, my freedom bound,

Longing blossoming, confinement crowned,

Frustrated screams, without a sound,

Despair amassing, it’s all around.

And I began to weep,

For the days I used to sleep,

For the liberty I couldn’t keep,

For the dreams I had to sweep,

For the days my hope ran deep,

For the rights I couldn’t reap,

For when nothing seemed too steep,

For eyes that didn’t seep,

Before everything crashed into a heap.

I used to laugh,

I used to shine,

My life was once

Of my own design.

It was all right there

The world was mine,

My joy and promise

Would intertwine.

I felt the touch

Of a life divine,

But they ripped my freedom from my hands.

They took. They tricked. They confined.

My trusting spirit could not withstand.

They fought. They faked. They conquered.

Broken, I gave in to their demands.

They bullied. They bit. They captured.

My knees were weak, I couldn’t stand.

They infiltrated. They impaired. They crucified.

They disarmed me.

They dismantled me.

They damaged me.

They damned me.

They defeated me.

They deceived me.

They defined me.

They divided me.

They degraded me.

They dominated me.

They desecrated me.

Now all I can do is gaze at you

My eyes burning green with what I see.

Someone living the life I once knew,

Someone who one day I used to be.

Look at me

Look at me

Look into me

See me

See me for who I truly am

Stop a moment

Slow down

And gaze into my soul

Don’t just see who you want me to be

See beyond the person that you think you know

Between the fleeting glances and the swift peeks,

You failed to notice that I had died

And that I was resurrected

You’ve missed that I’ve become someone else

We’ve become strangers and you are yet to know it

I’m trapped behind your glazed over vision

I’ve ripped my mask off and I’m now burning through,

Bright, fierce and clear

But in your eyes my truth is obscured

Look

Look close

Don’t you see that the glint in my eyes is different?

That the shape of my smile has changed?

Stop making me feel invisible.

See. Notice. Comprehend.

Did you never really see me to begin with?

I’m shinning stronger

I’m finding my light

And soon the mere sight of me,

The ferocity of who I truly am reaching its peak,

Will blind you

So look at me

Look into me

See me

See me for who I truly am

Before it’s just too late

I see right through you

My prayer mat is drenched in the blood of those you’ve killed

My prayer beads shatter every time you pull that trigger

My fast is broken by the taste of the tears of those you’ve caused to grieve

My ears are burning with the words you say, thick with hate, rough with lies, ugly, putrid, insane

You wear my name

You wear my face

You twist my holy words

You turn towards the same direction I turn to when I pray for peace, yet you yell for war

You claim my beliefs

You scream my God’s name

And you dare to call me brother

They might not see, but I see right through you

You aren’t of me

I am not of you

Under all that makes us seem like one,

There lies the truth:

You are darkness where I am light

You are hate where I am love

You are judgement where I am mercy

You are terror where I am hope

You are theft where I am charity

You are a monster where I am humanity

You are wrong where I am right

You are shame, disgrace, blasphemy

You are sin

I cannot understand you yet I am asked to justify your atrocities

How could you do what you do?

How is your heart hardened and dead when we are taught to love, respect, care and sacrifice?

You aren’t of me

I am not of you

You steal my name

You steal my face

And you try to taint my faith

They might not see, but I see right through you

Hate taking a deceptive form

No matter what you do

You won’t stop my prayers for all your victims

You won’t stop the fight I wage against you

You won’t stop the love that I dutifully practice

You won’t stop the hopeful knowledge that we will prevail

As we both turn our heads to the heavens,

Speaking the same divine name,

My prayers for peace will destroy your prayers for fear

They might lose sight of you because they might not see, but I can see right through you

And I am not alone

An ode to Egypt

I miss watching the Nile catch the sun,

Glittering reflections like lotuses dancing on its surface.

I miss walking down streets and witnessing how history unfolded,

Centuries passing by with every few steps I take,

Whispering stories of a land that always was.

I miss crossing a narrow street from a church to a mosque,

Close enough for a cross and a minaret to embrace.

I miss being able to reach out and touch stone, soil and sand,

Knowing I’m feeling the lingering handprints of my ancestors,

Men, women and children who changed the world.

I miss breathing in the density of culture,

Layers upon layers,

Feeling the Pharaohs, Romans, Greeks and Copts,

The Bedouins, the English, the French and the Turks,

The lush scent of the children of the Nile in the air.

I miss being the heart of the compass,

Mediterranean in the North, African in the South,

Arab to the West, transcontinental to the East,

Gloriously, divinely Egyptian at the centre.

I miss the sound of music, of lyrics that united nations,

Of cries for freedom, laments for lost love and chants for the Creator.

I miss the beauty of art,

Handcrafted secrets tenderly living through generations.

I miss the possibility of vast lands,

Of deserts, valleys, seas, rivers, mountains and gardens.

I miss the sight of people able to smile through oppression,

To laugh through pain, and to give unconditionally,

Even as they linger at the edge of despair.

I miss the fearless fight for justice,

The protection of family at every cost

And love of strangers.

I miss the ferocity of pride for a nation.

I miss the love of jest,

The seriousness of literature, and the beauty of dialects.

I miss community,

Diverse, vibrant, persevering against atrocities.

I miss how the ancient blends with the modern,

How struggles blend with triumphs,

How hope lives alongside fear and somehow never dies.

I miss the intensity of talent,

The audacity of dreams, the steel of resolve,

And I hear the call of the Mother of the World,

Pulling at our heart-strings,

Reminding her children across the globe so that they never forget,

That it is, always has been and always will be running through their blood,

Waiting with open arms for their return,

For splendid reunions under the rays of her sun.

Lakes of melted mirrors

I’m aching for you to hate me,

Marking seconds in my mind,

Cutting minutes on my arm,

Pulling hours out of my hair,

Holding my breath by days,

Waiting for you to walk away.

Your love, it consumed my light.

Your obsession, it ripped through me,

Putting out the fires in my soul,

Fires that had once burned bright with dreams.

You’ve extinguished me.

My soul lives in the dark.

I’ve surrendered to the company of shadows

And I feast on silhouettes;

Fading memories of what I once thought we’d be.

I keep drinking your poison,

A brew of the words, whispers and threats

You use to keep me yours.

It takes me to the brink of death,

And death nestles me within its grieving grace.

In its arms I can see as clearly as I did

Before your love spun its webs over my eyes.

I see your reflection in lakes of melted mirrors;

And you’re hideous,

Contorted by the rage of your possessiveness

And the worship of a hedonism limited solely to yourself.

Your truth is ugly,

Your lies macabre,

And your love it putrid.  

I stretch out my fingers

To try and touch the lakes that hold your essence,

To scar my palms,

As a reminder lest I forget who you truly are.

But death drops me

And I slither back to valleys of shadows.

Waiting to drink your poison one more time,

To see your face as it is,

And not the one you painted on years ago.

I can’t seem to hold onto memories from my time in death’s embrace,

My mind muddled by your control,

My heart slowing down,

Frosting over with the hailstorms of your disappointments,

And my vision fades,

Refusing to adjust to the dark,

Craving your poison to regain its power.

I’m too terrified, too fatigued to attempt escape.

The fear of your wrath, it shields me from all that’s around me,

Keeping me alone, apprehensive and abused.

So I ache for you to hate me.

To unlatch from me and set me free,

Before you pour enough of your poison down my throat,

Killing me decisively,

Trapping my soul alongside your reflection in the lakes of mirrors,

Sentencing me to an eternity of soaking in the dreadfulness of your heinous truth. 

Separate me

Separate me from this fear.

Separate me from this dread.

Separate me from these thoughts,

Breaking me down in my head.

Separate me from this weight,

Sitting squarely in my chest;

Separate me from this tainted mind

That never seems to rest.

Separate me from this pain

That has merged with every cell,

Which make me who I am

And agonizingly in me dwell.

Separate me from this ache,

That’s painted my spirit bleak.

Separate me from these chains

That make my spirit shriek.

Separate me from insecurity

That whispers in my ear

And drenches me with a mist of grief

With every word I hear.

Separate me from this weakness

That keeps me up at night.

Separate me from this surrender,

The death of all my fight.

Separate me from this regret

Echoing with every step I take,

Assaulting my fragile memories,

Coaxing my soul to break.

Separate me from this heart

That pumps with misery too fast

And grips my chest with frigid breaths

That feel like they’re my last.

Separate me from these voices

Erupting in my skull,

Making me feel unworthy

And making my spirit dull.

Separate me from this doubt

That never leaves me alone,

Holding onto me until,

It turned my heart to stone.

Separate me from this duality,

Making my life a lie,

That I fear will never leave me

Until I hope I die. 

Box

When I was born, they told me "be who you are,

We're all good inside."

But soon they couldn't stand my identity 

Coloring outside the lines. 

"Stay inside. Don't you stray. 

Ask forgiveness. Kneel down and pray. 

This box you're in, it's for your own sake

Being outside it would be a mistake.

So fake it. Fake it. 

Fake it till you make it. 

Don't let anyone know  

You're more than black and white,

Keep your colors strictly in-check,

Make sure they don't see light.  

Fake it. Fake it. 

Fake it till you make it. 

Hide yourself, don't show the rest

That you're unique. 

Follow the lead, conform now

Be quiet, be meek. 

Fake it. Fake it. 

Fake it till you make it. 

Stand in line. Look down.  

Follow the orders.

No one likes it if you

Step outside these borders.  

Fake it. Fake it.  

Fake it till you make it.  

Don't be naive and speak

Of your individuality 

If they know you're different  

It will be a calamity."

So I faked it. 

I faked it.  

But never seemed to make it.  

Trapped colors seeped through my seams. 

My heart beat faster thinking of its dreams.

My soul held back, but now it teems. 

Once it whispered, now it screams. 

Once it was dull, but now it beams. 

Once it was safe but it craved extremes.

And no. 

You couldn't kill it with your schemes.

You couldn't contain it in your teams. 

You couldn't crush it with your regimes.  

No longer a slave, I now reign supreme. 

Dragon

I'm boiling in a stew of my own rage, 

It's about ready and I'm ready

To burn that lie right off of your tongue,

I'm ready to fling my soot, fill your lungs. 

I'm ready to scald those pretty lips red, 

To pour my lava through your head. 

Ready to fill your wandering eyes with ash, 

A fiery crash, with a side of whiplash. 

Ready to sear my name into your soul, 

Where your joy used to lie, now filthy coals. 

Ready to watch you scream as I melt your pride, 

I'll feed you this blaze, baby open wide. 

Hush. 

Stop begging now, that's just fuel. 

Now, I'm the one who gets to be cruel. 

You know it's more than just one mistake

That drove me to burn you at this stake. 

So sit back, devil, as I light these flames, 

I'll make incense out of your hurtful games. 

This inferno will lash at your very core. 

This pain you feel? Well, I've felt more. 

I was once naive but I'm a dragon tonight, 

I'll unleash my breath with all my might. 

See, tonight I fight, tonight I bite,

Tonight I smite and you ignite.